Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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