the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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