More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I love you.
Bad choice
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