last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
