I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
