his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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