she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
