I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
