Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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