I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
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