fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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