Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
