Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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