i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
