Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
