you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
