apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
