Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
