if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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