Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
