I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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