wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
