I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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