I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
