My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
