I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
