i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
