Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
