she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
