i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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