I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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