Having a random hookup so left but love u
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
