I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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