all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
