The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
