so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
