I am full of burrito and curiosity
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
