I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
