Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
