you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
