i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i now understand why vodka
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
