Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Pants are for mortals
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
