i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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