is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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