Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
