ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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