I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She even gives head with a lisp.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
