how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
