one might say we're banned from that church
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
