eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
