If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
