question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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