Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
