she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
