I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
