i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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