It's like God shit irony all over that family
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
COCAINE IS GR8
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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