I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my phone needs a breathalizer
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my being single is dangerous.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
