I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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