I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
