There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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