he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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