i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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