I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
