in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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