Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize