weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
