wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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