I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
