please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
